Wonderful Meaninglessness
I think that I concentrate too hard on making things “perfect”. I pretend that I just go with the flow. But behind the scenes, I hide a lot of the sweat and toil that I go through in what I do. As a perfectionist, I believe most of what I do blows anyway and I don’t know why I have even started it in the first place. Take writing for example… I don’t really see myself as a writer. I am simply a person who writes. I imagine by a most strict definition of the word that makes me a “writer”. But I reject this completely! In my mind, a writer is someone with talent; somebody other than myself. Honestly, I feel that I am not worthy to rank myself with this title. So I will just continue to be a person who loves to write, even if everything I write is meaningless drivel. At least I can say that it is my meaningless drivel, which will always fall far short of the perfection that I will never achieve. Besides, the artistic side of me, which is there - believe me, sees the fantastic beauty in my failing to achieve perfection. So I stand here, an artist, completely conflicted and thinking it is wonderful.
